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It was also clear that she had her ideas formed by what she had read previously. Because while there’s a lot of good stuff out there, no one expert has all the answers.
When you start believing that one person (including me) has the gospel, you cease being a critical thinker.
Not because you’re insecure that he’s going to like you; you’re actually quite confident that most men will respond to you. In other words, you want to know the future – and protect yourself from heartbreak by figuring it out as soon as possible. The problem is that even HE doesn’t know the future. This woman is not just an avid dater – she’s a learning-about-men MACHINE.
Because suddenly he’s not the guy who’s buying your drinks and trying to make you laugh – he’s being interviewed like an intern who is applying for a lifetime job at your company. And if you want to get a second date, it’s kind of important for him to like you! Now imagine that he told you that on the first date. And your desire for marriage, family, and the ability to potentially be a stay-at-home mom is something that you’re better off springing once he already LIKES you and has something invested in you – not right after he learns what you do for a living.
I think the well-intentioned but incorrect advise of laying all your cards on the table early is put forth in the interests of “not wasting time.” While I can understand not wanting to invest months in someone who is not a good long-term prospect, attempting to screen them this early is counter-productive. I went on a lot of first dates during my online dating days, and I can safely say that none of them were a waste of time.
I read a lot, but I always draw my own conclusions and judge whether it’s effective in the real world. Here’s a perfect example of advice that sounds good in theory, but doesn’t hold up in practice: Two prominent relationship experts – both 50-year-old women who haven’t dated in 20 years – advise women to tell men what they’re looking for on a first date.
They suggest that if you’re serious about marriage and children, you should put that on the table from the get-go on Date 1. Like, it’s so wrong, that I can’t even fathom that my esteemed, well-intentioned colleagues would pass this off as valid advice to unsuspecting women who trust them with their lives.
Is he going to call me tomorrow to say he wants to see me again? Early 40’s, bright, successful, and really excited about coaching and learning about the opposite sex.
Is he in a place where he wants a long-term relationship?